Musings
by HymnForTheMissing
Summary: Just like the title suggests, drabbles featuring different characters and thoughts about their individual situations and problems. Entries will be random and unrelated to the last one, and I am open for suggestions for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

** Chapter 1- She Deserves Better**

**Todd/Victor's POV**

This one is set before the whole Todd/Victor ordeal, in around the early 2010 era.

Fair warning, if you are a fan of Cole Thornhart, I would highly recommend passing this chapter up. This is a Victor-centric work, so I think it is needless to say that Cole-bashing will be involved. I tried my very best to stay in character and keep any personal bias that I might have out of the piece, but feel free to let me know if I failed to do either one or both of these.

One Life to Live does not belong to me.

* * *

There is a lot wrong with me. Countless things that I wish I would have done differently, and even more things I wish I hadn't done at all. But the one thing I can say I have going for me is that I am capable of love greater than you could possibly imagine, and I am sure of this because of my daughter, Starr. I have done far too many stupid things that have permanently damaged my relationship with her, but I do love her, and if it was in my power to ensure that every second of her life was pure happiness, I would do it without question.

You might be thinking right now, "Well, if that is so, then why don't you just accept Cole?" And I am readily armed with an explanation. The answer is simple: Cole does not make her happy. If you think that is so, then you are blind. You might also come at me with something along the lines of my animosity towards him being entirely a manifestation of my guilt about what I did to his mother. I hereby say that is bullshit.

Contrary to what you probably think, I really did try to like the kid, because of how much I knew that Starr liked him. And you know, there was even a brief moment in time where I thought it would be possible, when he stood up for her at that school dance for Halloween after that girl had terrorized her with that slideshow about me and my unforgivable actions during my time in college. That night, I thought that he just might prove to be a positive force in her life. However, I would soon be disillusioned when Starr came home from a party (which, I might add, that little punk convinced her to go to) with her shirt ripped and her mind distraught.

My heart stopped for a moment when she confided in us that he had attacked her, and although I was overcome with relief to find out that she had managed to get by with minimal damage, my hatred for Cole was etched into my very being from then on. Every time I look at him, I think of how shaken she was when she came home that night. I will never know word for word what went down that night, but I know that he flew into a rage, threw things around, screamed at her, at my little girl. No one handles my daughter like that on my watch.

I've lost count of how many times Starr has told me that it was because of the steroids. Oh yes, let's excuse his behavior because he was tweaking out. It broke my heart every time I heard her say anything to that affect. It made me think of those women who justify their husband's abuse towards them during their drunken stupor. And that is exactly what Starr does. She excuses Cole's abuse. Yes, I said it. The way he acts towards her is abusive. No, I'm not being dramatic. Cole makes no attempt to control his anger problem, and it shows. Starr obviously walks on eggshells. She's always trying to placate him when he yet again loses his temper. It's always "Drop everything, Cole's blowing up again!"

I guess I'm a fine one to talk. That kid has been on the receiving end of my anger. I realize I could've handled that in a more level-headed fashion... You know what? To hell with that. How level-headed am I supposed to be when I walk into the room to find some little twit in bed with my daughter, completely naked? Or when I wake up to the news that he convinced her to run away to the middle of nowhere with him? Or when I find out that their motive to do so was that she was pregnant? Please, I would love to hear exactly how I am supposed to react to that. Granted, I definitely have regrets from that time period, but all of them have to do with Starr, because I did hurt her, and our relationship will probably never be the same, and it took forever for her to forgive me. I own up to all of that, and if I had a do-over I would have never done those things. But Cole, he can burn in hell.

Cole always seems to have a way of always causing Starr to be upset on times that she should be having fun, whether it be from another fight or because he's in jail again due to being back on drugs or having another temper tantrum that got out of hand. She can say what she wants, but I can see through it. She has to, somewhere inside of her, realize how much hardship he brings to her life with such little payoff. She has to realize that she has changed because of him. Instead of that free spirit I once knew, she is saddled up, chained down, and depressed. Again, you might say that I am exaggerating, but it's not hard to tell when a person is depressed, and my daughter is.

If I could be granted a single wish, it would be that Starr finally realizes that she is not getting even close to what she deserves out of that relationship and kick his ass to the curb, then that she would go out and find someone who is kind and gentle with her, who would protect her from everything in this world that could hurt her, who would provide her with anything she could ever want and need, who would make her feel like the priceless jewel she is. And I will not rest until this wish becomes the reality.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2- "Fleeting"**

**Starr's POV**

Jumps throughout her life from Todd/Victor's near execution to the loss of her family in 2012. I know that is technically General Hospital, but just bear with me.

* * *

For a moment, my family was one. Now my dad is to be executed tonight for something I know he didn't do. And that bastard Spencer Truman gets to watch with that smug little grin on his face, because now not only does he get to watch my dad die right in front of him, he gets to put his filthy hands on my mom while he does so.

For a moment, I was innocently exploring my first real relationship. That must have been an unforgivable crime, because he turned to be the son of the woman my father raped in college, and now Cole and my father despise one another, and don't let a second go by without making that obvious.

For a moment, I had a wonderful life in Llanview. Now my dad is telling me we are moving to Hawaii tomorrow. Does he not realize or care at all that he is destroying my life? I'll never see Langston or Cole again. Cole...Is that why he is doing this? Is he that hell-bent on breaking us up? He is going to tear my life into pieces just because he doesn't like my boyfriend?

For a moment I was a normal teenager. Now one impulsive decision later, I am waiting for the result of a pregnancy test. Of course it comes back positive. Now what? My father almost killed Cole and he didn't even know we made love. If he finds out about this... and what about me? I'm only sixteen, I don't want a child, I'm still a kid my own self!

For a moment, Cole loved me. Now he can't even stand to look at me, because I am giving our baby away. He is so angry with me, and I feel guilty for doing this, considering all that he's been through already, but don't I matter at some point in this?

For a moment, Hope was alive inside of me. Now Dr. Joplin stands in front of me and tells me she died, with no explanation. No, I heard her cry. I felt her moving inside of me. She was healthy. Now she's gone. She just left us with no warning.

For a moment, after months of thinking our daughter was dead along with everything else keeping us apart, Cole and I finally found our way back to each other, so happy, looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together. Now my dad is in the hospital fighting for his life, and Cole is in jail because he put my dad in the state he is in now, and he won't even consider for one moment that my dad might not be the one who pushed his mom down the stairs. I feel the distance between us. I can't believe that after everything, he is letting me go so easily.

For a moment, Langston was my best friend. Then we became strangers living in the same house. Now I know that she has no problem lying to me, all for the sake of continuing her... whatever she thinks she has with Ford. Sex on a couch is more important than me. Wow, I see how much I am valued by the person I called my best friend. Is there a single person in this world that I can count on?!

For a moment, I thought Cole and I could pull through. Then what does he do? He shoots Eli, and kills him! I guess I can understand, considering he thought Hope and I were dead, but it gets old how he can never control his emotions for even a moment. Because I am always the one who has to pay the ultimate price for it. Now he is being sentenced to ten years in prison. I have to raise Hope on my own now. I have to explain to her that her father is in prison for killing a man. And then there is the reality that I know in the back of my mind, that when he finally gets out, he won't be the same person he was before.

For a moment, my life was stable and easy. I had my half-sister, Langston and I were back to the way we once were, I had my little girl Hope, and a wonderful boyfriend named James. Life was great. Now I've lost James (and the fault is my own), and Langston has moved away. I guess no one in my life ever stays too long, so I guess I should stop getting so upset over it every time.

For a moment, I thought I at the very least knew who my father was. Then I find out the man who I called my father for eight years was actually my uncle. Then my actual father decided to murder my uncle. Just when he came back and had managed to get in my good graces. Now I hate him once again. No... wait... I don't know anything anymore.

For a moment, I had a beautiful, sweet daughter, who was my whole world. Now all that is left her and her father, who was the love of my life, are ashes in that car. Just like that, they were both taken away from me, the two most precious people in the world to me. Now all I have are pictures and memories and everyone telling me that they'll always be in my heart. Don't they get that I want my baby girl here in my arms and not just some distant memory? How much is that to ask?

For a moment, I had my sanity. Now I am standing in front of a man, pointing a gun towards his face and my finger on the trigger, and everything in me telling me to shoot.

For a moment, I was Starr Manning. Now I am nothing more than Starr Manning's remains.


End file.
